What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 00:45
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
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I don,t even have a pension.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Put me off passion for life!!
What are some reasons why some men choose to live alone instead of getting married?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
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My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why has my ex moved on so fast after years of being together with me?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I think the readers, may guess!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I could never make a relationship work though!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Can you write a poem or short story based on the first image that shows up on Pinterest?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I write beautiful poetry .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But it wasn’t much.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She loved him until the end.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
(And it was in our own minds.)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I couldn’t, believe it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was seconnd youngest,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She was in good health!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My family never makes their pension either.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But ive been too sick for many years..
As i do to all so called friends.?
It was going to be , some day.
He knew the spot.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I said to her
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We all went to grammer schools
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Was to survive, this bastard.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was very sick at this time too.
Would this be the day?
When she asked me how she looked .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I will be 64.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Comes on , in middle age.
She married twice! .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Especially a lifetime of it.
One cannot live in the past .
I waited trembling.
So whats the point in blame.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We were not on the streets..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She wouldn,t have been !
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And i lived it daily.
So, i spoilt her more .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was 9 years of age.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was scared of men, in general
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My life is so biszare .
He resisted the act ,that day.
But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
All the time i was locked up.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
What did i know ?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is soul school!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im still living with it.
Ive learnt so much.
I have no regrets .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Who then, do I blame.?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.